


Here I Am

by ConsultingCaffrey



Category: White Collar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 11:33:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11439999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConsultingCaffrey/pseuds/ConsultingCaffrey
Summary: Just a short drabble from Neal's point of view about the finale.





	Here I Am

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry for being absent for such a long time. Life's been kicking my tail. I wasn't going to post this since its so simple and short, but I figured I should give you guys something while I work on a new oneshot so here it is!

"I promise you, that I will stop at nothing to keep him safe."

The words seemed so distant now. Had it been him who spoke them? Back when he'd made that promise to Elizabeth —last night?— he'd already known this was going to happen. He had it all planned to a T. Faking one's death properly, for good this time, needed to be perfect, especially considering the circumstances.

He'd stop at nothing. This was proof of that as he held the gun towards Keller, determination and confidence written all over his face even though he knew what was about to happen.

Except he didn't. Not really. No one ever truly knew something until they experienced it. This was going to be the closest to death he'd ever gotten and already, he was nervous but he couldn't let that show—

Kate. Her name stopped time.

Every thought in his head scattered.

In his mind, he knew this was good. Use that strong emotion, make it look like he'd gotten to you. He had. But push that aside and just make this play out according to plan.

He was pretty good at acting. Peter had no idea.

Fumbling for the gun was difficult. He needed to put up an effort but also make sure Keller was able to twist it around, aim it at his chest and—

He didn't have to fake the flinch when the shot rang out.

Keller seemed surprised for a second. Maybe he hadn't actually meant to pull the trigger. But he had and that's what Neal was counting on. Because Keller had no qualms about such things. He'd shoot an elderly woman if she stepped on that bold line that was his plan, his goal, his line of sight, whatever you wanted to call it. If he couldn't walk along it and not stumble, he'd simply remove the stone in his path and continue on without a care.

Neal had been a stone in his path far too many times.

Stumbling back, Neal feigned shock, looking down at his chest where the bullet was supposed to have gone. Blood. Where was it? What was taking so long? Ah, there. Crimson bled (ha) out through his white shirt and Neal knew what it was like to be shot with a vest on. All he had to do was play that up because being shot without one must really hurt. After the initial shock, that is.

He let his legs buckle beneath him, falling onto his back with a breathless grunt. This was easy. He'd faked being sick once to get out of class because he'd seen another kid do it the day before and wanted to see if he could get away with it as well. That had gone over smoothly until he got home and had to go through an inspection by Ellen. But it had worked out anyhow. This would too.

Keller couldn't help himself. He stayed to gloat. That was why Neal had kept the anklet, to scare him off. If he hadn't, Keller would have stayed, waited for the breath to leave his rival's body. He was sadistic like that. Another flaw Neal had had to work around. Yes, he'd thought of everything.

Only once he was sure that Keller was gone did he sit up, taking that little capsule out of his pocket. He didn't stop to look at it as he had when he'd first acquired the thing. He'd been sitting at the table in his room at June's, holding it in the palm of his hand as he marveled at how such a tiny thing could hold something so powerful.

Now, though, he cracked it open, tipping his head back to pour the white powder into his mouth. It tasted bitter, and like nothing he'd ever had, or wanted to again.

He knew everything about it, he'd made sure of that. How much to take, how long until he started to feel the effects, how long it would keep him under, in that place between the living and the dead. He knew what to expect. But at the same time, he didn't.

He could admit to himself that he was scared.

But not to anyone else because he wouldn't be seeing them again. At least not most of them, but Peter...

That was another reason he'd kept the anklet. For Peter. If he got to say goodbye to one person, please let it be Peter.

As planned, the EMT he'd paid off was there right away. She had told him he was crazy, told him there had better be a very good reason he was doing this to himself. He'd only smiled and assured her that yes, there was a reason. And it was a good one.

He smiled at her now, despite suddenly feeling a bit dizzy and sluggish. He was really doing this. Too late to turn back now, even if he wanted to.

She got him topside where an ambulance was waiting and Neal was worried that Peter wouldn't make it in time. Fake blood stained through bandages that were only there for show, and Neal looked down at his anklet, which was blinking red.

Please, Peter... I need you.

"Move. Move!"

The voice sent a wave of relief through him and Neal looked up as his friend pushed his way to his side, badge in hand.

Neal felt horribly guilty. Look at that. He really was capable of such a thing. It was hardly a comfort now though.

"We're gonna get you out of this," Peter said firmly, not looking like he believed his own words. Neal wondered what he must look like, laying there on a gurney. He certainly felt like hell. But it was worth it. Worth every drop of sweat on his forehead right now, every bit of his body that was beginning to go numb.

"I don't think so," he replied quietly, calmly. He didn't want to fake anything in front of Peter. He needed him to know.

"Don't... Don't say that," Peter pleaded, his voice wavering.

But he needed him to know.

"You're the only one who saw the good in me."

It was a struggle to breathe, to keep his eyes open, but he did. For Peter.

"Stop it, Neal!" his friend begged him.

No, Neal thought, you still need to hear one more thing.

"You're my best friend."

He couldn't speak after that, didn't need to either. Peter only stared at him and then his face was beginning to blur so Neal let his eyes slip shut. There was no fighting it anymore.

The last thing he knew was movement all around him, voices that slowly faded into white noise. He couldn't tell if he was breathing anymore, but that was okay. He'd come back... He...

Consciousness left him, let him fall into dark water that drowned everything out. Everything but the emptiness and silence of death.

**Author's Note:**

> I will be slowly getting back into writing now, and I've got a few things in the works. As for the chapters for stories I haven't finished, I'm unsure, at best. If anyone wants to adopt them and get them finished, be my guest, just message me first. Otherwise I'll get to them eventually (I really don't wanna lol. Chapters are my weakness I've realized. I'm not writing stories with chapters anymore. They'll all be oneshots, long and short). Anyway, thank you all so much for your patience with me.


End file.
